


Never Be Gone

by redshu



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst is back, M/M, Oneshot or should I continue?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-30 00:19:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redshu/pseuds/redshu
Summary: Unable to accept the fact that his boyfriend was the one who had infected him, he chose to escape, thinking that time will mend the emptiness without him and he can focus on staying alive. Six years later, they coincidentally met again, unable to forget the love which they had been longing for all these years. Yanjun is 26, Zhangjing is 27.





	Never Be Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Oneshot or should I continue? XD
> 
> I wrote this several months back btw, just felt like digging it up and sharing it.

Yanjun peered out of the window of his apartment, enjoying the occasional breeze that flows in. He observes the trees swaying along with the wind. Everything seems so peaceful, as he enjoys the quiet time on his own on a Saturday night.

 

Being a top Taiwanese actor, he was too used to all the screaming from those young fan girls who cannot seem to take their eyes off him. _Breathtakingly beautiful_ , they describe him. _Ethereally handsome_ , they would always say. But no matter how many compliments he received, he did not feel any much happier. _All he wanted was peace and quiet, in his personal bedroom of his own home._

 

He grabbed those bottles of pills at his bedside table, taking each pill out one by one and swallowing them whole. _The cocktail of the mess which he could never escape from, the consequence of the action which he regretted for life._

 

His eyes wandered down to the pavement, and lucky for him, it was empty at this timing of the night. The sight of the road was rather creepy _actually_ , with that dark area of the huge drain, and the flickering light of the lamppost.

 

But Yanjun didn't care. _This was the best time to be alone._

 

He walked over to his closet to pick a few outfits that will suit the current weather. A simple sweatpants and cotton pullover. And a thick wooly scarf. That was all he needed.

 

"Yanjun?" His mum asks, seeing him all dressed to go out, "have you taken your meds?"

 

" _Uh_ , I'll go down for a walk. Goodnight mum," he says, grabbing the keys to the apartment as he shut the door behind him.

 

The road that he had made out to be, was the scariest it could be. The darkness that engulfed that alley would have chased away everyone, except for Yanjun. There were noisy cricket chirping sounds _everywhere_ , but this brought about the _peace_ that Yanjun yearned.

 

He kicked the small rocks he saw along the sidewalk, pushing them into the drain. _He just had a thing for the sound of the rocks dropping in._

 

Continuing his walk, stopping occasionally to disturb the gravel along the pavement. _He smiled to himself like a fool, how he loved to do that since he first discovered that such a light activity could be something so calming._

Just when he was almost reaching the end of the drain, he heard a sound.

 

He stopped walking to listen to it more clearly.

 

It was the sound of rocks falling into the drain. _But no, Yanjun was not kicking it in._

 

_Someone else maybe?_

 

"I thought I was the only one," Yanjun mumbled to himself, sniggering a little to himself at the surprise of another person.

 

That figure seemed to have heard him, as he turned a little to look behind, even though they were blocked by a tree.

 

He continued again, this time round kicking a huge rock in.

 

"Yes!" That figure whispered loudly to himself, doing some sort of hand gesture Yanjun could not make out in the shadow.

 

_That voice._ I have heard it before.

 

Yanjun walked towards that figure, until he was only about a metre away.

 

A yellow sweater that definitely looked oversized. Those ripped jeans of his that accentuated his _full_ figure. Those shoes that were neat, but not expensive. And that man, he was wearing a bright red beanie.

 

_Interesting fashion sense._

 

His eyes were fixed on that man, observing how he was playing with the rocks on the ground, and kicking it into the drain.

 

Somehow, _he looks familiar._

 

_But maybe, he is just one of my fans._

 

Yanjun decided that there was no point staying on.

 

He turned to walk away, just as that man turned around.

 

Looking up, his heart sank immediately. The painful block stuck in his throat, he tried to clear it to no avail. His stomach ached, mouth quivered, his eyes widening in shock.

 

_Fuck_ , he told himself.

 

_It's him._

 

//

 

Those wide eyes expressing shock, staring back at him blankly. The small movement of his mouth, trying to say something but no sound could be heard. That small spot right above his eye that Yanjun had remembered clearly despite the period of no contact.

 

_The boy Yanjun could never forget._

 

He had barely changed, besides looking a bit older and frail. So unlike how Yanjun last knew him, and this look _worried_ him.

 

Yanjun’s eyes darted around that boy's frame, swallowing an unpleasant feeling that engulfed him.

 

_Fuck,_ he looked like he starved for months. _Was it because of me?_

 

That boy, or rather that man, got anxious and immediately turned away, his hands doing gestures in all directions as he tried to figure out how to escape from this situation. Pointing his hand towards the right, he headed there without any verbal acknowledgement from Yanjun.

 

"You Zhangjing!" Yanjun shouted, and the man stopped in his tracks.

 

They were about a metre apart, Yanjun only saw his back. How foreign it should be after six years, it brought back a similar vibe to how it was just six years back, _as if it just happened yesterday_.

 

"You Zhangjing...is that you?" Yanjun continued, his eyebrows knitted together _as he hoped that what he wished was true._

 

That man just stood on the spot as Yanjun spoke, _he was listening, but he was not responding._

 

The sound of crickets filling the air, they stood in silence.

 

But in this silence, Yanjun's mind spoke for him.

 

Lin Yanjun, walk up to him. Lin Yanjun, talk to him. Lin Yanjun, hug him. Lin Yanjun, kiss him. Lin Yanjun, apologise. Lin Yanjun, tell him you love him. Tell him you're sorry. Tell him that you want him back. _Tell him that you will never leave him again._

But Lin Yanjun, _don't forget that it's your fault._

 

Everything came crashing down six years ago, every word that he said had failed to hold water. There was no way he could do that again.

 

Darkness engulfed Yanjun’s heart, Yanjun’s mind as he knew that nothing could go back to what it was anymore. _Hidden and protected from the cruel truth that hit them years on, the past which he had wanted to go back to, just like its name suggests, will stay in the past._

 

Nothing could bring it back.

 

Yanjun felt his eyes become damp as his thoughts and _tears_ smothered his eyes, blocking his line of vision.

 

_Everything became blurry, just like their relationship._

 

After that long moment of silence, Yanjun saw that man take yet another step forward, away from him.

 

Just like six years ago, _when he walked away_ , and disappeared into thin air.

 

"I missed you so much," Yanjun uttered, as streaks of tears flowed down his handsome face. His cry was silent, _but strong_.

 

That man stopped yet again, placing both his feet together. He clenched his left fist and squeezed it tight, while his right hand was placed at his chest, before continuing on his way, away from Yanjun.

 

Was it anger? That was what Yanjun had assumed.

 

Yanjun agreed, he was such an _asshole_ , the decision that he regretted for life. The ending today was all brought about by him, _he could not even complain_ , as he suffered in regret.

 

But what Yanjun didn't know was that that man was scolding Yanjun for being an asshole for a completely different reason, as he trudged down the alley with his right hand on a necklace he was wearing, face drenched in tears.

 

_It was Yanjun’s necklace._

 

//

 

The moment Yanjun got back from his walk, he plopped on his bed without changing. Instead of thinking about how to spend the next few days relaxing at home, his mind was filled with something else.

 

Pulling a pillow towards his face, he stared into the empty corner of his room.

 

You Zhangjing, what was he doing here? Where has he been? How has he been living? Has he been eating? Is he in pain? Does he have enough money? Where does he live? Will he come back again? _How can I see him again?_

 

There were so many questions, but Yanjun could answer none of them.

 

Then, the most important question popped up in Yanjun’s mind.

 

_Does he still love me?_

 

Yanjun stared blankly at the wall, thinking of his question, as memories of the time they spent together played at the back of his mind. Fresh memories, as if it happened yesterday, _but no_ , Yanjun knew that they could never go back.

 

He thought about the Zhangjing he had just met, and tears roll down his face uncontrollably in the silence of the night.

 

Oh, he does not love me anymore.

 

_He cannot love me anymore._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this while we scream over every small thing that Zhangjun do on GuDengGuDeng Banana XD


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